Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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