Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
