The maid of honor just puked.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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