dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
