It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
