that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
