found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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