He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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