I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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