It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
