failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize