Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
