You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize