It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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