He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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