I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
