If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
