she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
