So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
