The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
