:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
