When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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