tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
