I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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