i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
