Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
