On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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