I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
