He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
