the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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