My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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