Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
