My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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