I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
