At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
