Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
