Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We don't watch enough power rangers
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize