i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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