For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
