You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
