You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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