so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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