So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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