I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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