xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
