Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize