As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize