this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
