absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
