they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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