It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
