all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize