I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
