Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
