What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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