Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
