haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
