I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
