Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
