Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
