i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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