What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
