I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
