Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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