just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize