3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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