You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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