im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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