it wasn't lemon gatorade
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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