I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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