Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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