he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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