but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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