Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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