just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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