dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
