just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
