OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
