I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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