Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
