found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
