just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
