shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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