Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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