That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
