Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
