Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
