i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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