They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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