great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize