just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
