Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
