I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
