Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
