New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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