I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize