i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
