Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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