When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
