i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
