okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize