my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize