Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
