playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
