All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
