His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
