i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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