Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the day after is always just damage control
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
