Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
