She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
