shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
