there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
