In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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