Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
