I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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