you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize