I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
