ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
