I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
MIDGETS
????
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
