Buhtt sex?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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