if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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