Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
