all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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